Do You See What I See?

It’s no secret that most women in our society are very focused on their appearance.  Physical attractiveness is often considered the very first thing that a man will notice when seeking out a mate, and in all fairness it does matter to a lot of men.  So most women think it only logical that once she and her man are committed that he should stop looking at other women, and that any peeking is a sign of betrayal and lust.  After all, why does he need to look now that he has her?  Here’s why.

Men’s brains are hardwired in ways that are very different than women’s.  Men are, by nature, wired to be visually oriented – they have to look at something to know what’s going on with it. This goes way back to when men were the primary protectors and defenders and hunters of the tribe, and they HAD to be on the lookout for potential predators and prey.  It was a potentially life or death situation if a man was not keeping his eyes open and alert to his surroundings.  Male brains evolved in such a way that even the smallest distraction would cause them to look at what was going on, so that he could quickly evaluate a situation and react if necessary.

So when you’re talking with your guy and he glances over at something, it’s just his brain doing it’s thing to make sure you’re both safe. It doesn’t matter if there’s no threat – it’s the hardwiring of his brain based on centuries of evolution. And contrary to the common male stereotypes, a man’s mind does not always jump to sex.  Just because he’s looking with his eyes doesn’t mean he’s pursuing with his conscious mind; most of his evaluation is occurring on an unconscious level.

At the same time, a woman who feels a need to compete with other women to keep her man will always notice when her man glances at another attractive woman, but will rarely notice or won’t care if her man looks at another woman whom she considers less-than-attractive.  A woman who needs to compete is a sign of low confidence, which will be a turn off to your man.

That’s not to say that some guys’ eyes won’t linger on a person they find attractive and think sexual thoughts, but most of the time it’s completely unconscious; his visual cortex is still in evaluation mode.  If you wait a moment, he will likely return his attention to you, especially if he’s been enjoying your company.  A quick smile delivered in an understanding way can be very reassuring to your man.

And remember, when you are able to accept the way your man’s brain works without feeling threatened by his looking at others, it will boost your confidence, which he will pick up on and be attracted to.  It’s one of the best ways to keep his real focus and attention on you.

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