Recently my wife and I discussed hiring someone to help clean our home. On the outside it seemed like a great thing, but internally I got really uncomfortable at the idea. I take pride in the way I maintain my home space. Sure it’s not perfectly clean – I have other things more important to me than keeping my home totally spotless – but I do enjoy it being neat and orderly.
So if that’s true, why would I begrudge the extra help? The real truth?
I was uncomfortable with someone else seeing my dirt.
As strange as it may seem, I didn’t like the idea of allowing a relative stranger into my home to see all of the ways in which I fall short of my own professed value of having a neat and orderly home. Then my spouse pointed out that this is exactly what my clients do with me all the time…
Opening up to share the truths about what’s not working well in your most intimate relationships can make people very uncomfortable. It’s not easy to share with someone all of the ways in which your romance is failing, especially to someone who has a healthy and vibrant marriage. On the outside it may make sense to seek help and let a professional guide you, but that doesn’t make doing it any easier.
The truth is that the process of bringing life back to a dying connection involves allowing others to see your dirt – your relationship dirt – and be willing to work on cleaning it together. It is absolutely necessary, never optional, and often involves seeking help from trained professionals. You have to be willing to explore what’s not working, and work to fix it. It takes courage to open up your heart and be fully honest and real with yourself, your spouse, and the people you trust to help mend your marriage.
Sometimes swallowing your pride and ego to share your dirt isn’t easy, but the rewards of a happy, healthy romance are always worth it.
How willing are you to share your romantic dirt?