Imagine putting a large rock on the ground and covering it with a mound of dirt. Then, every day for a year another mound of dirt gets piled on top of the old one. Sometimes it’s a shovel full, sometimes a 5 gallon bucket full, but slowly over time that small mound becomes rather large.
Whenever relationships aren’t going well, there is almost always one core issue that is dividing the couple. Things are going along blissfully well, but then something happens that creates a separation, a disconnect – a rock that comes between you and your spouse. And every day that rock exists more and more dirt gets thrown on it – resentment, fear, anger, hurt feelings – until you forget what the real rock was to begin with, and are left with a huge mound separating you from your beloved.
Many times couples feel like they have to move that entire mountain of dirt in order to get back to a good space again. It certainly does take work, but here’s the good news – you don’t have to move the entire mountain to recreate your connection. You just have to move the rock. It may take a bit of digging to get to it – to identify what that rock really was in the first place, but once you’re there and once you’ve dissolved the rock the entire mountain of dirt quickly blows away in the wind of positive reconnection.
Having that one conversation – the one you haven’t had since the rock began to build – is often enough to begin re-establishing love, trust, and passion. But here’s the one important key that you must remember:
You have to be willing to have the hard conversations about your love life if you want it to ever get better.
The longer you delay, the more dirt will continue to be piled on top.
Relationship rocks often form because someone has a need that isn’t being met, or a core value that’s not being honored by their spouse. Many couples don’t have the right skills for listening to one another to discover what’s most important to their mate. Instead they get stuck in thinking only about their own needs and desires. The end result is that neither people really get what they want, and neither feel close to each other.
How long have you been waiting to have that one conversation with your spouse? How long have you both been letting your mountain of resentment, fear, anger, hurt feelings build up? When are you going to stop piling on more dirt and start digging for the real core cause of your disconnect? The sooner you do, the sooner you will fall in love again.
By the way, if you need help digging, click here.