There’s one simple fact that is vital for a woman to understand when she wants to talk to her guy. Simply put: He doesn’t want to talk to you.
But wait, it’s not as bad as it seems. You see, women are designed to use conversation as a way to create connection. In fact, it’s almost primary. Think about some times when you were really upset or angry about something, and odds are you reached out to a friend – probably another girlfriend – to vent to, share with, and … (wait for it)… TALK about what was going on.
Guys, on the other hand, don’t work that way. There may be times when we seem like we’re just blowing you off or not interested in what you have to say, but the simple truth is that we need a bit of warming up before we can go there with you. And here’s a hint: Doing something that makes your man feel special, respected, or desired by you is hands down the best way to help him get ready for that big conversation.
You see, what guys really want is to feel close to you, to feel connected with you. And when your man feels that, then he’ll be ready to tackle absolutely anything. He’ll be tuned into you, ready to fully engage and meet you wherever you are and go wherever you want to go.
When you’ve got something on your mind and you want to share it with the guy in your life, the absolute worst thing you can do is to start out by talking to him about it. Find a way to create the connection first, THEN you can warm up to having a conversation.
Guys are very physical beings, so if you want to create connection do something physical with him. Give him a back rub, snuggle with him on the couch for a bit while he watches TV, hold his hand, hug him from behind while he’s washing the dishes and kiss the back of his neck, tell him how much you appreciate him. Find your own unique ways of creating connection with your man that show him how much you care about him.
And even though men are such physical beings, it’s actually very important that you do not use sex to create this connection. If you start having intense conversations with him every time you’re done having sex, he’ll actually stop wanting to have sex when you initiate, because in his mind he knows what comes next. Besides, sex is always better as a result of feeling connected, not as a method for getting there.
Here’s another hint: Your gestures of connection have to be genuine. You cannot create connection with someone by faking it, or by recycling last week’s compliment, or even as nothing more than a means to get what you want. If a guy feels like you’re manipulating his feelings just so you can bombard him with an emotional conversation you’ll actually drive him further away.
Remember: Create connection first, then ease into the conversation.